I am posting this in hopes that I will get some great advice on dealing with temper tantrums. Although this is my fourth child to go through the "terrible twos," I am about at my wit's end!
Will throws several huge tantrums a day. It isn't a communication issue... he speaks very well and has an excellent vocabulary for a 27 month old child.
IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL. I want to be in charge and so does he. In the past, I gave my kids choices (do you want to wear green jammies or blue jammies?) and they were fine. But when I give this kid an inch he takes a mile. He demands that I drive to and from the kids school a certain way, demands that he drink out of certain cups, demands that I tie his shoes while he stands in a particular spot, etc. He SCREAMS when he doesn't get his way.
I've tried everything I've learned (from my degree in Child Development, past experience, Parents magazine, etc.) and everything that has worked in the past, but to no avail. Currently, I am just leaving the room and letting him scream. But the noise is wearing on me.
HELP!!!
And now... just so I don't sound too negative (and to remind myself on a bad day)... here are a few of the many things I ADORE about Will.
1. He has the cutest, dimply smile. His eyes sparkle when he smiles.
2. He is really smart. He remembers so much and applies it to his life experience. Yesterday, he wanted me to play "Go Fish" with him. I didn't think he could do it, but he did. I can't believe he knows how to play cards and he is barely two.
3. He is actually pretty polite. He almost always says please, thank you, and your welcome. The other day when we left the grocery store he turned around, waved the clerk and said, "Have a nice day!"
4. He eats his vegetables (and pretty much anything else I place before him) without complaint.
5. He is a junk food junky. I know this isn't a good thing, but it is so darn cute when he says, "I need some candy in my mouth, please."
6. He absolutely adores his older brothers and sister. He loves to play with them, hug them when they come home, and be like them.
7. He has so much enthusiasm for life... he loves animals (from a distance), being outside, the farm, reading books, going to the store, etc. It is so darn cute to see his excitement for life.
8. He tells us he loves us all the time.
9. He really says the funniest and cutest things. Seriously, I laugh so much at the silly, witty, and down-right adorable things he says.
Okay... that list could go on for awhile. And by writing it down, I feel better already. Maybe, that is just what I needed... to realize how lucky I am to be the mother of such a wonderful kid (and three other pretty great ones).
Still... I will take any time-tested temper tantrum advice. :)
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8 comments:
I have these same issues. I love to give my children choices. I do try to think of all the great things about the child and it does help. Mostly she is stubborn!!! But sometimes like if she is sick and/or confused, she can't figure a way out and the result is screaming. She is also a very good talker and still does not always resort to using words! Sometimes, I can wait and other words or choices will come. (mostly I am not that patient or dealing with other things.) I haven't figured out how to deal with the issues at home quite yet. She has a little more say on what happens at our house than somewhere else. I have learned to pick my battles with each of my children. I walk away from the "floor" tantrums as that is just DRAMA in style.
But I have taken her to the bedroom 2 times (both somewhere other than home.) and stayed with her. Sometimes I just sit while she gets out the frustration. I also don't let her leave until she stops. Eventually, she stops and she does hug me and life goes on.
Sorry this is long. I just needed a reminder moment. I will be checking back to see all your great advice!!!
((hugs)) I don't know if I will survive my fourth one either! Ugh! LOL
I of course, have no experience from the parent end but on a reassuring note--I threw very similar tantrums and was a VERY difficult toddler for my parents. They braced themselves for a year thinking the terrible twos would come with Katie but she was never anything like me. However, I was a super easy teenager and pretty good kid. But my parents will tell you I have always been strong willed and will do things my way no matter what they say. I'm sure it's no help at the moment when you're ready to ship him off to anywhere, but I bet he'll turn out alright even if you never do "teach him" not to throw tantrums. I don't think my parents ever found a way that really worked with me--I just eventually found other ways to assert myself.
(I didn't finish)
Best of luck! Just remember that you're a great mom!
Each child is so different it is sometimes hard to give advice. It is hard being the youngest of four (five in my case). Kylee is this way too. What do they get to control in their lives. So many people telling them what they can and can't do. One piece of advice, is to find what he can have a say in or control over. Let that be his special thing. My next piece of advice is maybe survival for mom, but when Kylee throws her tantrum I tell her if she needs to cry she will have to do it on her bed. If she doesn't stop I pick her up and put her on her bed. I come back a few minutes later but she doesn't get to come out until she has stopped crying. Up until this point she always stays on her bed. I hope she never figures out that she could get off by herself, but if she did, I guess I would keep putting her back. Best piece of advice, keep loving him and don't give up.
So glad I am not alone. Thanks for making me feel normal. You are an amazing mom... hang in there!
(this is totally individual, if what works for me work for you- YEAH!)It IS all about control, Emily takes a mile too. She is tougher on Dad than me and I think it is because when I give her choices, if she doesn't pick, I choose for her (seems like a natural consequence in life right-if we don't choose, we lose out on that control of direction in our lives). She has learned with Mom, she picks quick. (at first, if she wouldn't pick she tried to negotiate which is what Dad will do and she takes the milie or twenty. I just repeat the option-only ONCE) and if she still doesn't pick, I go on with what I choose for her. On the demands like which way to drive etc, I have found Emily needs to know the plan ahead of time...so, prepping schedule like we are doing this then this and this. If it doesn't matter to you which way you go, ask him before he demands it. Even with a great vocab, I think kids still need help expressing their feelings (I know I still do sometimes!!)
I feel pretty inadequate in the advice department since I suffer from the "stubborn kids syndrome" myself. However, I read a helpful article that said that if your child keeps asking for something over and over again until you give in to them, it is because you have trained them to do that. If you give in after a fight then they learn to put up a bigger fight to get their way. Hold to your guns and do the right thing. It takes some time but they eventually learn to stop asking for something that they won't be getting. They'll trust that what you say is what you mean. Kids are kids and parents should be parents. To me, it means that you won't always be the friend. But if you're doing what is right for them, they will see that and love you even more. I believe that there are times where the kids don't need to (not to say they don't want to) be in charge. Just pick what issues/ battles are important to you and let the others run their course.
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